I’ve been listening to a lot of Meat Loaf lately, specifically Bat out of Hell II: Back into Hell. I’m not really sure why. Maybe one of his songs randomly blessed my ears through Spotify one day, or it came up in conversation with the missus. It’s not important really, except to say that since that glorious day I’ve listened to that album a lot.
Which in turn set me to thinking about a physics teacher I had in my teen years: IFP. IFP absolutely loved Meat Loaf. I remember at some point during my awkward school years he was in charge of organizing a social dance/party for us older students. Inevitably it ended with the girls on one side of the room and the boys on the other, with the occasional brave soul venturing into the middle only to scurry back to safety upon feeling the weight of 70 pairs of eyes on their back.
IFP, meanwhile, was having the time of his life—because he had gone ahead and decided to book a Meat Loaf cover act as the evening’s entertainment. If IFP liked him, then clearly he was good enough for the rest of us. I remember him boldly announcing his arrival into the school’s auditorium on a thunderous, growling Harley-Davidson before taking to the stage with the passion of a man proudly confident in his Meat Loafiness.
I can’t remember if he was any good, but I do remember IFP displaying not even the slightest whiff of self control. He was eagerly checking out the Harley with the ardent fervor of a long lost lover, rocking out on his lonesome to Out of the Frying Pan and Objects in the Rearview Mirror, and monologuing emphatically to Wasted Youth. In my admittedly fuzzy memory he was red-faced and sweaty, out of breath and completely out of rhythm, and the subject of many a strange glance from students who found IFP more entertaining than the actual entertainment.
IFP was also my Captain in cadets, and as one of his trusted NCOs I often accompanied him on fieldcraft exercises. During one such night exercise he and I were “patrolling” as enemy Germans into ambushes set by our younger cadets. They were fresh from passing their weapon handling test and eager for their first blank-firing experience. So, IFP and I conversed loudly with terrible German accents about “ze filthy Tommies” as we blundered blindly into multiple ambushes, returning fire under flare-light once each trap was sprung.
At the crack of the first blank, IFP would immediately morph from German Wehrmacht into Texan cowboy, gleefully drawing his dual blank-firing revolvers and yeehawing his way towards enemy lines, firing wildly into the sky like Yosemite Sam and commando rolling as if he was younger and far fitter than he actually was. It was quite the sight, this grown man frolicking in the dirt like a child. Oh how I regaled my friends with embellished tales of his foolishness.
But here’s the thing… IFP didn’t give a shit about any of that. He was far too busy having way too much fun, and while I would never have admitted it at the time—maybe in part because I didn’t truly realize it—I was insanely jealous of his freedom. He was having fun because Meat Loaf and cadets WAS fun. I just wasn’t brave enough to enjoy it as much as I should have.
IFP was my physics teacher, filled with funny sayings like “I’m told, I forget; I see, I remember; I do, I understand,” and “Understanding is a shortcut to learning,” and sure, he taught me an awful lot about physics. But really his best lesson is one that I still think of now: enjoy what you enjoy. Do what you love, and never give a shit if people think you’re weird or stupid or embarrassing. He never did, and he certainly seemed far happier because of it.
I regret not being authentic to IFP, and for mocking him behind his back when he demonstrated his authenticity to me. I may not have learned that lesson then, or even in the years that immediately followed, but I think I’m learning it now. It’s a shame it took me this long.
I tried looking him up recently to see what became of IFP, and I guess unsurprisingly given what I remember of the man he’s a bit of an internet ghost. I can’t even find a photo of him. I could only find one reference to him in an old school newsletter (at a different school) announcing his retirement. I hope he’s well, that retirement is kind to him, and he still rocks out to Meat Loaf.